A Note for My Father
69
Father of Mine
Left me behind wading in my innocence, partner in my creation, how could you stand leaving without knowing, giving and taking, your self-induced evaporation
Yet I still contain the future hope of elation, your return to your seed, your blood, longing to know your rhyme, fearing to know your reason
I often stood in your frozen shadow, imagining you features, conjuring your scent, replacing my thoughts with yours, searing tears streaming my face, wondering and wishing
You live in my imagination, an utter reality, held captive, forced to remain in your reckoned life, promising your return, beckoning my dreams to you
Please visit my blog!!! Quest of the Nocturnal Baker
- Quest of the Nocturnal Baker
Blogging my journey, may range from recipes, ramblings about my bucket list and advocating for a cure for dystonia!
Letter I hope reaches him one day.....soon!
My dear father,
Many years have passed, yet I still sit and imagine the day we finally meet again. I hold no feeling of bitterness towards you. I have always thought of you in a positive light. Even though it's as if you never really existed, a figment of my imagination. Through the years I have have searched for you. I have made calls to wrong numbers, searched the web for hours on end and written letters all to no avail. While searching for you I have been blessed to find other family members. Knowing them makes me feel a little closer to finding you. I do not know the reason for you disappearance from our lives. I do not know why you seperate yourself from family. I do know that I still hold a spot for you in my heart.
I wrote that poem years ago. Before I knew what I know now. I need you, your children need you, your grandchildren need you. I have been diagnosed with a hereditary movement disorder called Dystonia. I am your flesh and blood, your genes have been passed to me. I do not know how these genes pass on and am concerned for future generations.
Wherever you are, please return to our lives. If only it is for a drop of blood, return. If only for the health of our family return.
Prayerfully waiting,
Inda
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I am the mother of 4 wonderful children one is deceased. One of my daughters also has Dystonia and is a special, gifted and positive woman. She runs marathons and organizes family reunions. She bakes cakes for who ever wants one and always under charges them. She strives for perfection and settles for nothing less. She will cry if you look at her wrong or if she thinks that you are upset with her. She writes poems that make me cry and laugh. She inspires me to keep going and to be strong. Her father left her and her sister at a very young age for unknown reasons to me. She grew up taking care of her other siblings. She has always been there for me and that kept me going and working to provide for us. As a single mom with little children it was not easy but we were happy. My daughters made peanut butter and oatmeal cookies for the homeless shelters and church events. For years we searched for her father only to find that he was not far away from us and does not want contact with his children. This is so painful to me even after 28 years. She has so many of his qualities. She is a smart gifted writer, pretty, spirited and has his genes. She has given us wonderful, beautiful grandchildren and a great son in law. Her sister is also talented singer with a wonderful family as well. It is hard for me as a mother to see her in so much pain with this thing called Dystonia. It is so important for a father to be in a child's life. In our case we need genetic testing from her father for treatment and medical history. I pray that the other children or grandchildren do not have this disease. My daughter who ask for nothing and gives everything is in need of her father. She has pain in her heart as well as pain in her body. My deep desire is for healing in her body and for her and her sister to meet their dad. A girls first love is her father and no man can take his place. I also pray that he will some day come forward into their lives and just hold his daughters and tell them that they are beautiful and that he loves and misses them and will be now be part of there lives. For years after he left we keep the porch light on and looked out of the window to see if he was coming. We learned to forgive because we all need forgiveness. One thing that I will say to you my daughter do not ever give up. I will always be there for you, your brother and sister. I love you all more than you will ever know. We will beat this thing called Dystonia, because we have our Faith, each other and God. He said that He will never leave us or forsake us. He heals all of our diseases. He is a Father to the fatherless. His promises are sure. His love is Eternal. He is a Faithful, Loving God. He knows the desire of your heart. Keep on Praying, writing and baking! You are such a Blessing to me. I love you much :) Mom..
This is so beautiful. It touches my heart. I pray for you.
At the end of the tunnel, there's light, Never give up, one day he will show up. Nice one
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Your Sister 2 years ago
I pray one day our dad will return, he is missing out on wonderful children and grandchildren. I love him and hope he will one day know that. But for now I am so blessed to know our brother and his beautiful wife and daughter and our aunt. And nothing can take away the bond you and I have sister. I love you sooo much.
Besos